My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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