I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
