I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
