I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
