I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
