careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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