New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
