I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
