So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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