You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
