Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
