I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
