Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize