Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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