Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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