Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
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YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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