nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
