Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
