Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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