Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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