it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
