I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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