Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
