she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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