omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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