I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
do nipples grow back?
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