Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
