so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i will never coherently bang her
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
