that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
