best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
