Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
