When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
