So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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