So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
