I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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