you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
