He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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