A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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