You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
this is an emotional support booty call
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
