you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
