So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
