You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
