my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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