I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
