to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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