Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You smell like stripper and shame
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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