I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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