Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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