Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You took a bar mat shot.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
