ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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