Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
