guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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