Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry about my life...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
