Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
