you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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