Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize