Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
