"it" just moved
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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