1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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