you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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