my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
