Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
