I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
