So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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