I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
where are you?
Hypothermia
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
