Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
