someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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