Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
wow bdsm is so cute
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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