Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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