ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
