Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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