I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
