Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
