Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
