I can't breathe out the right side of my face
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Less talking, more tequila
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
