I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
