grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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